Busted CPAC

Brace yourselves, kittens. And definitely hide the children. It's looking mighty scary over there.

Over where, you ask? CPAC. Oh, yes. That's right. It's back, and it's already giving us nightmares. (Not really. It's just giving us a strong case of sh*ts & giggles. #AllTAllShade)

Why? Let's start with New Jersey Traffic-jammer-in-chief Governor Chris Christie (R-Sleaze). During his big CPAC moment in the slime, he threw a temper tantrum. But why? Oh, because that "Big Bad Harry Reid!!!" (D-Fierce) is fierce enough to read to filth the dirty shade the Koch-topus keeps throwing at America. We figure since Chris Christie can't keep his own damned house in order, he's trying to change the subject by throwing red meat at the base he so desperately wants (since he's still entertaining delusions of 2016 grandeur).



And speaking of desperation, how 'bout that Mitch McConnell (R-Desperado)? He wanted to look macho at CPAC today (while pandering to the NRA), so he mishandled a gun on stage. Apparently, he's still upset over Harry Reid out-foxing him at every turn. #Pobrecito



Unfortunately for Mitchums, his gun stunt was no match for the pearls of wisdom that Paul Ryan (R-P90X) unleashed during his CPAC moment. Oh no, he brought the house down with his paean to "The Hunger Games". No really, he sang the praises of letting poor kids starve. And that explains his rather lurid austerity fetish. #Kinky #Freaky

But of course, none of them could match the unique sophistry of this year's CPAC Award Winner. And really, how could they? Mark Levin is another one of their true leaders.



What he says goes in today's G-O-TEA (along with the guidance of Levin's H8 radio colleague, Rush Limbaugh). And his award at this year's CPAC proves that the Nevada Republican Party is anything but an isolated incident. Rather, batsh*t crazy has spread throughout the G-O-TEA nationwide.

And that's why CPAC has become quite the crazy spectacle. Yet even as it's become such a spectacle, its stars have yet to reveal any wigs under their wigs. And until that happens, color us unimpressed. And definitely keep hiding the children from those gawd-awful mugs. #Busted