On Life & Death

Perhaps by the time you read this diary, I will already be back in my cozy air-conditioned condo, enjoying a late night bubble bath and cup of green tea. It can be incredibly easy sometimes to insulate oneself from the brutal reality of the outside world... But for only so long. At some point, reality finds a way to disrupt one's insulated fantasyland. That's what's happened to me in the last month.

As I write this now, one of my aunts is changing the TV channel to get the latest updates on a mass shooting in a Seal Beach salon (not far from my dad's house, at least nine were shot and six killed). My grandmother sometimes remembers to eat, but other times won't eat as she closes her eyes and slouches on the side of the living room sofa. On Monday, my dad and I barely missed a car accident in Costa Mesa. And this morning, my dad was flipping out over his cousin just undergoing an open bypass surgery after barely surviving a heart attack (and she's still in the ICU now).

What's happening? Why does it feel like death surrounds me? It's hard to avoid depression when there's so much to be depressed about.

But then, there's this:



And this:



And I'm reminded of the strange sense of perfect zen calm I could always tap into here on the majestic Orange Coast. I enjoyed the best Italian lunch I've had in a long time in Laguna, and I noshed on pizza while seeing the surfers do their magic in Huntington. My dad and I experienced the start of the perfect sunset, as well as the departure of the perplexing marine layer. The Pacific Ocean really gives this place life, and I could notice this at every glimpse of the amazing coastline here.

It's been a strange juxtaposition. The climate and scenery feel like paradise, but the human suffering here has amounted to hell at times. I remember to smile when I see the sea gulls marching under the pier, then I return to my dad's house to see certain ungrateful relatives neglecting my ailing grandmother yet again. What a strange juxtaposition this is.

In this last week, I've had to confront some facts about my own life. After all, I'm not getting any younger. What am I doing? Have I been living successfully? What happens when my last remaining grandparent is gone? How will my father survive this? And what will happen to the tenuous bonds that barely hold my father's side of the family together? Are they already killing themselves? And are they even killing themselves softly?

This last Southern California Sojourn has left me with many mixed feelings, and it's made me rethink what I thought I knew about life and death. Who would have thought losing my grandmother would cause all this?

John Ensign & His Lyin', Cheatin' Heart

Uh oh. I guess that little "not really in love letter" that our favorite do-nothing Senator Ensign wrote last year really meant nothing. It turns out that Ensign may have not just violated his own marriage vows, but also possibly campaign finance law.

Doug Hampton spoke publicly for the first time today about the affair his wife had with Sen. John Ensign, saying the Nevada Republican continued his pursuit even after intermediaries tried to get him to stop. [...]

Hampton’s comments came during an exclusive two-part interview with Sun columnist Jon Ralston, to air tonight at 5:30 p.m. and tomorrow on “Face to Face with Jon Ralston.”

Cynthia Hampton was the treasurer of Ensign’s political action committee and re-election campaign, while Doug Hampton served as a senior aide on Ensign’s Senate staff.

Hampton said Ensign paid the woman more than $25,000 in severance when she stopped working for the senator.

If true, Ensign faces a possible felony violation of campaign finance law if he paid the severance but failed to report it as an in-kind contribution to the campaign committees where she worked, according to ethics complaints filed against him.

Knowingly and willfully failing to report a contribution of more than $25,000 is a criminal violation subject to five years in prison, according to complaints filed last month by Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington.

Seriously, color me unsurprised. These GOP "family values" hypocrites never seem to value their own families seriously, especially if they get in the way of their libidos or their cash cows. Still, I'll agree with Mr. Gleaner that this whole sordid Ensign Affair is getting creepier by the day with each new revelation.

Just what is it that attracts Republicans to wild and crazy sex?