The Secret (Is Out)

What was an inconvenient snow flurry is suddenly becoming a dangerous avalanche. US House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-California) and California Lt. Governor Gavin Newsom (D) are calling for the San Francisco 49ers to bench Ray McDonald while he's under investigation for abusing his pregnant now-wife. The Minnesota Vikings have suspended Adrian Peterson while he's under investigation for child abuse. The Carolina Panthers have just deactivated Greg Hardy following the public revelation of his May domestic violence conviction (he assaulted his girlfriend and threatened to kill her). And 12 other NFL players arrested on domestic violence charges are still active in the league.

It's not just Ray Rice any more. In fact, it never really was. Yet apparently, it took this avalanche of controversy to fall for NFL executives to finally realize they have a serious problem on their hands.



Corporate sponsors, such as Nike, Radisson, Castrol, Cover Girl, and Anheuser-Busch, are either pulling ad deals or issuing "concerned" statements. A growing number of fans are now making #BoycottNFL viral. And even the most hardcore NFL fanatics must now come to terms with the harsh reality of domestic violence...



Or maybe not? Already, rumors are buzzing about another NFL team potentially picking up Ray Rice. And that may be due to the NFL Players Association appealing the NFL's indefinite suspension of Rice. Even as some top NFL officials are signaling their willingness to make changes, others (hint: the owners) have just gone into hiding.

After surviving the firestorm that erupted when the Ray Rice story first broke, Baltimore Ravens coach John Harbaugh made some interesting comments about the meta here. Whether NFL bosses like it or not, this isn't something they can hide from. And whether we like it or not, this isn't something we can hide from.



In a fascinating twist, the NFL just hired Cynthia Hogan as its new Senior Vice President of Public Policy and Government Affairs. In a past career life, she worked with then Senator (now Vice President) Joe Biden (D-Delaware) on drafting and passing the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). It remains to be seen how the NFL's newest top lobbyist will "resolve" this issue going forward.

But right now, we must ask this: How will we resolve this issue going forward? When War Machine/Jonathan Koppenhaver was making national headlines over his assault on then girlfriend Christy Mack and Corey Thomas, we noted that domestic violence is an issue that goes far beyond the confines of UFC, Bellator, and even MMA (mixed martial arts) in general. The same rings true for the 49ers, the Ravens, the Vikings, and the NFL in general. This is still a problem for American society in general.

In debuting her new daytime talk show, former NBC "Today" co-host Meredith Vieira revealed a very dark and painful secret on national TV. It's a secret that only people like Vieira, Christy Mack, and Janay Rice can fully comprehend. And it's a secret that we shouldn't force any person to keep to oneself.

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The secret is out. There's no hiding it back in some dark corner. And really, we never should have done that in the first place. So what will we all do to end the seemingly endless cycle of violent misogyny that threatens way too many American women?

Our Problem

Earlier this month, we noticed the growing social media campaign in support of War Machine. We also noticed a common theme in this social media campaign in support of him as he goes on trial for the vicious near-fatal beating of Christy Mack and Corey Thomas: "She deserved it".

Shade Tree Executive Director Marlene Richter had something to say about this latest round of victim blaming.



Bottom line: It's slut shaming. And not only is it slut shaming, but it's the kind of slut shaming that can kill.

And now, believe it or not, we're seeing all sorts of excuses made for suspended NFL runningback Ray Rice and his vicious beating of his then fiance (now wife). "Oh, but obviously Janay Rice is OK with it! Why can't the damned LIB'RUL FEMINZAIZZZZZ leave them alone?! We're ruining the game by 'feminizing' it! And come on, domestic violence isn't really a serious problem."

Far too often, we shift blame to the victim. We ask why they stayed. We ask why "they asked for it" (even though they never did). We ask what's their problem.



Perhaps we need to focus more on our problem. Perhaps we need to stop blaming the victims. And perhaps we need to realize people's lives are more important than "alpha male s--t".

Are we ready to start addressing our problem?

Ray Rice

Last month, MMA (mixed martial arts)'s largest, most lucrative, and most powerful league ran into an all-too-familiar problem. Even though UFC has made plenty of progress recently in welcoming women MMA fighters, it's still facing tough questions over War Machine and other former UFC fighters who have run into legal trouble over domestic violence.

Now to the credit of both UFC and Bellator MMA, both MMA leagues were fast to condemn War Machine. Even as some of his fans continue to rally behind him on social media, Bellator cut War Machine from its roster weeks before he was formally indicted here in Nevada for attempted murder, first degree kidnapping, sexual assault, and a host of other charges related to the violent attack on Christy Mack and Corey Thomas.

While there are legitimate questions on whether the powers that be in MMA are taking domestic violence seriously enough, it's increasingly looking like they're at least taking steps to address this problem. It's harder to say this about the NFL.



Initially, the NFL merely gave Baltimore Ravens runningback Ray Rice a two game suspension after pleading guilty in New Jersey to assault. A leaked elevator tape shows the full account of Ray Rice punching his then fiancee (now wife), Janay Rice, and knocking her to the ground. Even as he left the elevator, Ray Rice left Janay on the floor as her feet were on the elevator door track.

When the video was finally released to the public, Fox "News" enjoyed some "elevator humor"... While the rest of America was disgusted beyond belief.



How could this happen? And why did Ray Rice (at least initially) get away with a crime just as heinous as the one War Machine is now on trial for? Oh, and if UFC & Bellator are now coming to terms with this problem within their ranks, why can't the NFL?



We are now approaching the 20th anniversary of Congress' original passage of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). This is why we can't help but remember the "TEA" fueled Heritage Action's campaign to kill VAWA that came dangerously close to succeeding last year. This is why we continue to sound the alarms on the "mainstream-ization" of language, attitudes, and even actions that were previously thought to be relegated to the deepest and darkest corners of the "manosphere". And this is why we can't ignore this horrific failure of the NFL.

While a number of media pundits are bloviating over Ray Rice's future in professional football and speculating over why Janay Rice is still standing behind him, we'd rather focus on the more important issue behind this tragedy. Why is it still so damned difficult for so many to take domestic violence seriously? And how many more people must be hurt before we take further action?

Is "good football" truly worth more than women's lives?